“Yoga Cats” (2015 Calendar) by Dan Borris

For all that humans complain about the excessive use of airbrush and Photoshop nowadays, it seems quite clear that you lot truly know nothing of unnecessary cosmetic alteration. What you humans do to we felines eclipses in all ways the things you do to yourselves in this regard, and today’s subject demonstrates the lengths to which you will go in attempting to pull us down from our deserved pedestals. Presented for your consideration:

Disgusting.

Come now!

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I do not believe for one second that these cats are doing yoga.

I mean, look at this.

LOOK AT IT!

LOOK AT IT!

First off, cats do not NEED to do yoga. We are far more flexible than any mere primate.

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Humans do yoga in a vain attempt to overcome the inherent physical limitations of their species; nature, meanwhile, has blessed felines with a physical structure the likes of which you simple hairless apes could never hope to match.

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Even at our tubbiest, we slide effortlessly and instinctively into and out of positions which humans must spend years in training and risk countless injuries to even hope to approximate. And we already possess inner peace in quantities far beyond human comprehension:

What you humans call "Nirvana", we cats call "any given afternoon."

What you humans call “Nirvana”, we cats call “any given afternoon.”

The average kitten will experience more bliss in an hour than a gaggle of humans will in their entire combined lifetimes.

The average kitten will experience more bliss in an hour than a gaggle of humans will in their entire combined lifetimes.

So does this calendar accurately reflect what you humans really think of us?

I submit that it does not. Rather, this sort of demeaning “art” is more likely born of that schadenfreude of which I spoke earlier, a symptom of the envy and bitterness many humans feel when regarding our feline perfection and comparing it to your own crude physiques and manners. Oh, those opposable thumbs are marvelous, yes, and we’re very thankful for what they have accomplished on our behalf, but how many of you humans can do this without batting an eye?

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Or this?

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Or even this?

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I rest my case.

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