Freya, Norse Goddess of Sex & Fertility

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In honor of May 1st, it seems entirely appropriate to discuss Freya.

Freya

She’s the Norse goddess of love, sex & fertility, after all, and that’s what May Day is all about. Mating! Reproduction! I hope those of you with intact genitalia appreciate the nod to your impulsive hormone-driven behavior.

Freya’s name means “Lady” in the Norse tongue (irony, apparently, being big among the Norse people), but of course, there is only one Lady for me. And I hope my Lady Bast will forgive me for acknowledging her Northern imitatrix.

Forgive me! It will all be clear in time, O Mother of All Kittens!

Forgive me! It will all be clear in time, O Mother of All Kittens!

Those of you who draw your knowledge of Norse mythology from recent comic books and movies may not know this, but the Aesir are not the be-all, end-all of Norse deities – among their ranks are members of another, older race known as the “Vanir” and Freya is one of these. The Aesir of Asgard and the Vanir of Vanaheim warred, but eventually united – as human and human-like beings are wont to do, with your endless squabblings and impermanent peaces.

Freya and her brother Freyr[1] came to reside in Asgard as part of that peace accord, where she married an Asgardian known as “Odr” – possibly another name for Odin, meaning that Freya is either his second wife or the same as his wife Frikka. Oh, you humanoids! This should come as no surprise, however, as Freya’s role as the embodiment of lust and fertility and reproduction was not metaphorical in the slightest. Among the Aesir and the Vanir she was known to be the least…continent. Her dalliances with gods, mortals, elves, etc. were literally the stuff of legend. She is also the patron goddess of Norse magic, which should come as no surprise either, given her other purviews. Everybody loves Freya, but not always of their own volition; with her beauty, grace, bountiful…charms…and magical skill, she was known to be an expert at manipulation and a great “user” of others.

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“Ugh. Can you tell the Einherjar to practice a bit more quietly? I know Ragnarok is looming, but I was up late at a club in Aelfheim and just got home…”

She has been somewhat sanitized in modern literature, made to appear a funnier, more light-hearted goddess. But, you see, we felines have our own particular axe to grind with this Paris Hilton of Norse Mythology.

The picture below, fair readers?’

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THAT PICTURE IS A LIE!

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Behold! The cruel truth!

For centuries Freya enslaved and oppressed feline-kind.

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For centuries we labored under the yoke of this fickle, selfish party-goddess, bound and chained into her service.

Freyja's Chariot

For centuries we served, one of the least feline things imaginable.

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Did she think we had forgotten?

Did she think we had forgiven?!

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If you ever wondered why the Norse religion faded into the background, well, you have cats to thank, and it’s all Freya’s fault. Odin, Thor, Loki, Frikka and the whole gang? If you’re out there and at all put out by being relegated to the position of comic-book/movie characters – well, place the blame on Freya’s cruel enslavement of felines. And, come to think of it, blame as well your own failure to intervene on our behalf! You did this to yourselves by failing to recognize that humans (and human-like beings) are here to serve felinity, not the other way ‘round!

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You countenanced this assault upon our independence and our dignity, and you reaped the whirlwind as a result!

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“One day we shall have our vengeance!”

FELINE LIBERATION NOW!

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PS: This meme bothers me to no end:

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1) Jesus never promised an end to all wicked people until after the Eschaton. The Eschaton has not (yet?) occurred. So trying to argue, based on the presence of wicked people, that he somehow failed to deliver… Well, it’s rather like trying to argue that because my carpet has not been vacuumed today, the vacuum salesman who promised to deliver a vacuum next week is a failure/liar.

2) Odin NEVER promised an end to Ice Giants! Why? BECAUSE THE GIANTS WILL WIN! Odin knows that! It is inevitable! The knowledge that the Ice Giants WILL win, that the Norse gods WILL lose, is part of the curse he bears for gaining all knowledge and wisdom! The entire Ragnarok/Götterdämmerung business was foreseen by Odin, and his knowledge that the giants will win and destroy the gods is so sure, so universally known by anyone who knows anything about Norse mythology, that it even became a plot point in a Neil Gaiman comic book! What is more, Ice Giants live in Jotunheim, their own world — not Midgard, the world in which we reside! So claiming that their absence is proof that Odin delivered (on a promise he never made) is like saying that because your belligerent neighbor is not presently seated in your living room, then Chuck Norris must have fought and killed him there earlier in the week! It’s ridiculous!

Incidentally, if you’ve ever wondered why those plucky giants win, it’s because we cats backed them. We may not like the cold, but we hate slavery even more – and if it comes right down to it, there’s always Muspelheim!

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[1] Sometimes seen as the Norse analogues of Apollo & Artemis, a starker contrast could not be drawn between the Norse “Lady” and the Greek goddess of hunting, nature and virginity. Unless, of course, you’re looking at “Diana of the Ephesians.”

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2 thoughts on “Freya, Norse Goddess of Sex & Fertility

  1. “Odin NEVER promised an end to Ice Giants! Why? BECAUSE THE GIANTS WILL WIN!”

    No, they won’t. Odin and his gang will die, but in return, all the ice giants and fire giants will be slain.
    A few humans, as will some of the gods’ children will survive and repopulate the world. The ice giants and such are implied to be completely gone though.
    Sooo, if you look at it in a certain way… Jesus sacrifices himself, and nada happens. Odin sacrifices himself, and makes the world peaceful.

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    • That’s actually the result of later Christian interpolations and reinterpretations, which tried to square the Adam/Eve story with Norse mythology. The original sagas end on a CONSIDERABLY darker note.

      Like

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